We go through what i call dry spells, then we have a good night that creates a spark, leading us to have sex every night or so for a week. Then John has had enough and treats me [though not intentionaly] as if i'm a sex straved wench. He gets this look about him where he knows i'm expecting some action but he's dreading it, and i know the fun is over..... for weeks. He can go for long periods without showing any interest at all. I have a bit of a rejection complex, so after a few days, i stop hinting, and just accept that the dry spell is upon us. During the dry spell, his level of affection gradualy drops off and i start to feel like i'm living with a room mate rather than a husband. I start to emotionaly disconnect. Then after a while, he starts acting like maybe he should step up and throw me a pity shag [thats how it feels], Like theres no affection or anything before hand, just a quick feel and then expect a grateful response and that feels cheap and nasty so i decline. Then we argue about it and we 'do it' and then we get into it, and then the vicious circle goes around again. The whole cycle might take a month or 2? I feel like he punishes me. Like i need to go without because..... ? Why cant there be a happy medium? Why does it have to be all or nothing? It doesnt effect his life at all apparently. In fact it's like it's a relief to him to not have to 'perform'. But it effects me massively. I NEED to be intimate on some level! Not just the act of intercourse, but the process. The affection, the flirting, the creation of anticapation. But in between, there's nothing at all. It's like a break for him, but to me, i detach from him in every other way out of some kind of self preservation & defense. Then i get bitchy.....
We've been together for 15yrs, and in that time we've talked about it til we are blue in the face. Nothing changes. It just goes round and round. I'm so dam frustrated!
