Hypocritical Gayness

There is a woman i have worked with in the second half of the year for 2 years. She's a bit of a tomboy, in her early 40's perhaps, and i've always thought she was nice.
This year i found out she was gay. That didn't alter my opinion of her at all, and if anything our work relationship progressed. She could talk about gay/woman related stuff around me, About her new girlfriend etc, and i thought, as friends, things were coming along nicely. Nicely enough that i thought we'd still be chatty after our seasonal work had ended.
But i was wrong.
One day she walked past and noticed me working in the local Christian book shop, and she seemed a bit taken back.
Since then she seems to have gone out of her way NOT to talk to me.
Ok, so i'm one of those born again Christian types. She's worked with me for 2 years and talked openly about being gay, and i haven't made any sign of judging her or even disapproving.
What she does in her bedroom is none of my business. I value her as a person and it's not my job to pass judgement on her for anything she does. Just as it's not anyone elses job to pass judgement on me for anything i do.
Yet she seems to have done the very same thing to me, that gay people hate the most.
Maybe she's had a bad run in with Christians in the past? I dunno. But i thought we might have got to a point where she could say that.
It's very sad that we couldn't be friends..very sad!

Nature Vs Nurture?

I haven't been here for a while coz i've kinda gone off the blogging thing and moved on over to Face Book.
Stuff happens all the time, and i think, Oh i should blog that! But then i put it off and put it off...you know how it goes.
But i'm going to try and post here more often. I really do want to. I'm just slack!
So, on to today's blither!....

I have two beautiful daughters. Both raised be me, with the same household rules, in the same middle class Australian suburbia.
The oldest Alix is 17 [i've written about her lots on here] and she is the most narcissistic person i've ever known! I seriously can't fathom that she came from me! She has always been self centred with very little to no empathy for others. In fact she enjoys watching others get hurt.
She has serious anger issues, doesn't care what she looks like, how others see her, and blames all her life's problems on the terrible way she was "treated", growing up. Never taking responsibility for any of her own actions. She has always been abrasive and impossible to reason with for as long as i can remember.
She thinks the world owes her everything and she's continuously stepping up to claim it.
She is completely boy crazy, couldn't wait to lose her virginity, and now can't even tell you how many guys she's slept with, at 17! [[Today she's about 3 months pregnant & doesn't know who the father is]
She never tried at school and dropped out as soon as she was legally able.
We can't see eye to eye on anything and i find it very difficult to be around her at any given time, and vice versa. Even though i found it hard being with Alix, i never stopped looking for things in common and looking for ways to relate. Regardless, Alix has and continues to treat me like i'm the No 1 enemy.
She moved out of home 3 years ago - she couldn't wait to leave!

Then there's Rose, 13. She has always been the sweetest thing and she just draws people to her.
She would do anything for anyone. She has a great sense of humour, a healthy sense of justice in the world, is one of the most responsible kids i know, is fair in every situation she's put in, freely acknowledges when she's done something wrong and immediately takes steps to correct it.
She dresses modestly and cares about what other people think about her, how she conducts herself, and her actions.
She doesn't put too much importance in boys. In fact, last year she dumped her [second] "boyfriend" because he kissed her on the cheek without permission. She has a boyfriend now and she's just allowed him to hold her hand. It's very cute.
She's an "A" student and loves school to the point of nerdiness. She has a plan for her life.
I get on with Rose really well and i really enjoy spending time with her.

I don't understand how my two girls can be so very different. I tried to treat them equally. Admittedly, Alix was disciplined more because her behaviour warranted it. But i tried to be fair in everything i did and it was important for them to know that i did whatever i did coz i love[d] them.

They had minimal chores that are the basics - Feed the pets, clean your room, be home at a reasonable hour, and put the rubbish out. One thought that was unfair and the other thought that was an easy ride. Every day, the huge gap of similarities between the two grows bigger, and i just don't get it.

Nature Versus nurture? Hhmmmmm This one's got me stumped!

Violence Against Women?

I need to have a soapbox moment about violence against women.
My mother went from one violent relationship to another as my sister and i were growing up. Then, as we thought that was what relationships were about, we went from one violent relationship to another as we matured into women ourselves.
I've been married twice. My first husband was violent. Not the sort to directly hit [much], but he pushed me into things and threw things at me etc.
Now i'm with a wonderful man [and have been for 11 years] who has never even raised his voice to me.
But i have thought about the violence we lived with over the years, and although i don't approve of violence against women, there are degrees.
I personally feel that if, in the height of anger, a woman says to a known physically aggressive man, "Go on, Hit me. You know you want to...go on...do it.." Then she's asking for it. If a woman hits a man first, in any way other than self defense, she's also asking for it.
I know women who do that and i have no sympathy for them what so ever when they cry "wife abuse' afterwards. In fact, it annoys me.
For this opinion i have been criticised. ANY violence towards women it NOT ok, Weather she does the above things or not! [apparently]
But there are 2 sides to every story. So a man who's trying very hard NOT to hit his wife, and hears constantly, "Go on and hit me coz you'll feel like a man...go on." is criticised when he relents and does it, just to shut her up.
Or that same aggressive man is supposed to restrain himself when his wife is egging him on by punching him in the face.
I don't think so.
If a woman wants to act like a 'man', then she shouldn't complain when she gets treated like one.

There is a big difference between women defending themselves against and antagonising thier men.

Diamonds In The Rough

We went on a holiday two weeks ago to the Gold Coast [QLD Australia] to see Alix, my oldest daughter.
Let me brief you on the background of Alix: Alix has always been a tormented rebel who just can't follow rules, accept responsibility, or commit to anything. Ever since she was born she's been a self centred handful who never really fit in to any group or crowd. Never really had any friends that weren't out to use her for their own social gain.
She's always been very lonely, but never open to any suggestions to help her out of it.
So at 14 she went to live with her father [her choice] in Brisbane. She quickly got in with a rough crowd and became a punky street kid, living out of soup kitchens, stealing her clothes/jewelry, getting backyard tattoos and sleeping where ever, with who ever. She thinks she's tough and can handle anything. Every parent's second worst nightmare! [other than abduction].

*

So when we went up there to see her and we were kinda worried about what we'd find.
When i saw her, it was like nothing had changed. She's still my baby :o)
We went to lunch with her and my ex, then went back to his place to check out his snake collection etc. Alix tried to get some money out of me for a party, but i wouldn't give it to her. She lost all interest in spending time with us then, and ditched us. She went back to her friends in the city, and left us to holiday on our own, without her.

*

The next day we went to the Queen St mall in Brisbane to do some shopping. From a distance, i saw Alix, with her back to us, standing with her group of wannabe punk homies. She was wearing her stolen clothes and wore thick, gothy make up.
Time stood still for a moment. And as i looked at her, for the first time in her 16 years, she actually fit somewhere...She belonged somewhere. And as i looked at her in that crowd,she looked so very beautiful to me, and in that instant, i was re-affirmed that she would be alright.
She just looked so beautiful :o)

Me and Alix :o)

Changing Winds

On Wednesday, my precious son was officially diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome and it has changed our lives.

Up until now he has just been "A little odd", doing odd things and having odd points of view. But mostly he has just been Jason, one of a kind, and a bit of an oddball [like the rest of us]. But apparently his problems run much deeper than that, and his life will never be "normal". He'll never quite "get it", and he'll always have relationship issues and struggle with simple things.

His doctor told me that he could just not label him if it suited me, but i said i wanted the best for Jason, and if the "label" meant him getting all the help he could get to help him function, then so be it.

So as i write there are referrals and certificates being sent through the mail with the words, "It is our finding that Jason has Aspergers syndrome".

It shouldn't hurt, but for some reason it does. Jason will still be just our "odd" boy, and i'll still hug him all the time. But it hurts to know that it's not something he'll grow out of, and eventually he'll probably learn to hate his differences. It just sucks!

I spose that means i should stop calling him a "tard" now lol

Pretend Wrestling

When i was a kid [aged 4-11ish] i loved watching the wrestling. But in the 70's it was real wrestling. I had my favs and i knew everything about the talent. As far as i can remember it was only NZ wrestling.
But i grew out of it or it lost it's popularity and vanished from TV, one of the two.
Then WWS and WWE etc came into popularity. I never watched it and i didn't want my kids watching it. In fact, whenever i saw an add on TV or knew one of the kids' friends was watching it, my only thought was, "I don't want the kids watching that crap." My memories as a kid were of "real" wrestling. Then this new stuff comes in and it's all fake, rehearsed and with stupid characters. Why bother wasting time on it?
Then, two nights ago i was staying up late, doing scrapbook stuff on the computer. The kids were long asleep and the tele was on in the background, And the WWE came on. I've never watched it and didn't intend to now.
But as soon as it started, with all it's rehearsed fakeness, My childhood interest came flooding back and i was glued to it with wide eyes! I knew it was dumb but i couldn't stop it! All the excitement and adrenaline i felt as a kid came flooding back and it was awesome!

I even knew the characters names for some reason, and that's kinda scary. Somewhere in my mind i must have taken in that information with some level of subconscious interest that i was unaware of over the years. How very bizarre!

Me, a church-going mum who enjoys scrap booking and gardening, who also now wants to watch professional pretend wrestling. I am amused by this! lol

Being Catty

I have a 6yo pug called Princess. Since i was 19, i wanted a pug. But could never afford one till we moved into this house.
She is a lovely dog and she's my buddy, but her typical pug habits drive me nuts! She adores me so every minute she's awake, she's staring at me. The only time she's not staring at me is if she's sleeping or when we are going walkies.
She follows me everywhere and stares. It kinda feels like something out of a horror movie lol
Food is her second priority in life and she constantly checks my hands when i walk into the room to see if there's any food in them. Even though i'm consistent with her feeding.
We have to lock her up when friends with small kids come to visit, because she'll attack the children if i show them any affection.
She snores loudly even when she's awake.
I understand that these things are normal pug things. But i wasn't aware of them before i bought her.
Well...to tell the truth, i probably would have still bought her even if i did know that stuff.
This will sound very terrible, but even though i love Princess and the thought of her not being around is not a desirable one, she has single handedly turned me from a dog person to a cat person! lol