I was visiting my sister a few weeks ago.We have a running joke that i'll stay with her or vice versa untill we start argueing, whitch usualy only takes a couple of days. We are 18 months apart, quite different and apparently rub each other the wrong way and offend each other easily.
Well, when i went down there this time, i was determined to just observe and no matter what, not get offended by anything, but look at what was leading to it.
It's quite difficult for me because i love my sister with a passion and i can see past our differences, but i seem to just annoy her. We spent most of our early lives with it just being us and our mum. There were other relatives, but it was mostly just us 3.
Now that mum is gone [and has been for 9 years], i kinda feel like my sister is my only "real" family left. Like we are kindered spirits in the memory of our past. We know things about each other that no-one else would even understand!
I always invisioned that when we grew up we'd be there for each other, and be able to talk about anything.
We have different opinions and memories of our mum, but that's only natural, all siblings do.
When it boils down to it, we are the only people who really know each other. Or do we?
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We should, but we don't. During this last visit, i observed some interesting things.1. I am closer to ALL of my girlfreinds than i am to my own sister [One of which i've only been freinds with for a year and a half.]
2.She tenses up when i'm physicaly too close to her. [she didn't even want to stay close enough to get her photo taken with me]
3. She doesn't like to be alone with me for too long.
4. She doesn't want to talk about anything that crosses the personal boundry.
5. Most of the time, when she looks at me, she frowns :o(
6. I tried being funny, serious, smart, stupid [pretty much describes my usual day lol] but they all got the same response - all of the above.
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I tried to find an opportunity to approach the subject of "why?" but it never came along within 3 days. We went for a drive to another town one day, with the kids. We seemed to find a common ground during that time. We laughed together and talked about casual stuff. I thought it was great, and maybe when we got back to her place, and away from the kids, we could talk. But it didn't work out that way.
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I am a church going person, but i don't push it down her throat [or even mention "Goddy" stuff without her lead].I get along with different people from different walks of life, yet i can't reach my own sister. I've known this person for 36 years, and we can't co-habit?
I don't understand it, but it's the one thing in my life that i desprately want to change!
How can i get closer to my own sister? How can i encourage her to want to be closer to me? How do i tell her that i want to be closer when we can't even talk about personal stuff?
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Or do i just leave it alone?
