My oldest daughter, Alix-16yo, is living in Brisbane QLD. She is living how she wants whitch is pretty much on the street. I had hoped her life would get better than this, but it just seems to be getting worse all the time. Everyone who knows her just wants to rescue her, from herself. But she really doesn't want to be rescued. She just wants to live in the moment, in the "naughiness" of it all.However, I, her mother, the one who nurtured her and kissed her grazes as a small child, feel as distant from her as a person can get. Her life is one big drama ,and untill she learns some kind of responsibility and meaning, it'll just escalate.
At the moment she is living with a bunch of people she feels are just like herself [thats scary!] and she's sleeping with whoever she can get something from.
She ripped her father off to the point where he'll be spending Christmas alone because she bled him dry and he can't even afford to travel to be with his family. And because she knows he has no money to buy her anything, she has ditched him and said she won't spent Christmas with him.
With every story i hear about Alix, i draw further and further away. And today i don't even feel as if she was born from me. Like she is a separate part of a complex universe. Like a Friends daughter or a distant relative. But not born from me.
Even though i couldn't help it, I felt guilty about that for a while. But i don't anymore, because i know she feels the same way.
I'll always love Alix on one level or another. But for now she just seems so unreachable. And I'm happy for her to be that way.
